Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

Mating in Captivity is psychotherapist Esther Perel’s best-known book. It asks a simple, uncomfortable question: why does great sex so often fade for couples who still love each other, and what can they do about it?

Through stories from her practice, Perel explores the paradox at the heart of long relationships: we want security and closeness, but desire feeds on mystery, distance and play. Mating in Captivity explains what it takes to bring that spark back home.

From the publisher’s description and retailer listings.

• Love seeks closeness; desire needs some space and separateness.
• Total openness and togetherness can quietly dampen erotic energy.
• Playfulness, imagination and novelty matter as much as technique.
• Desire is something couples can tend to, not just wait for.

Readers often pair it with practical books. If you want ideas to try together after reading, these work well alongside it:

Live prices from our store. Prices updated November 2, 2026.

What is Mating in Captivity about?

How to keep desire alive in a long-term relationship. Esther Perel looks at why the comfort and closeness of domestic life can clash with erotic desire, and how couples can bring playfulness and lust back home.

Who is Esther Perel?

A psychotherapist and relationship writer. Mating in Captivity, first published in 2006, is the book that made her widely known.

Is it a sex manual?

No. It is a thoughtful, conversational book built on case studies from Perel’s practice, closer to relationship psychology than to a how-to guide.

Who should read it?

Couples in long relationships who feel the spark has faded, and anyone curious about why love and desire don’t always grow together.

How long is it?

This paperback (ISBN 9780060753641) runs 272 pages.

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